Innergiggler's Blog

REVENGE OF THE SPHINCTER…

Posted on: August 16, 2010

NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH…

Think of your colon as Venice’s Grand Canal (GC) and your sphincter muscle…if you will…as the Gatekeeper (GK)  deciding when to open the gate…Nature is just so freakin’ brilliant…she is.

Recently I’ve noticed Nature has even more tricks up her sleeve…as the wrinkles on my outside multiply…apparently so do the creases inside my body…making internal organs and systems more persnickety. 

For me…the most troublesome system would be digestive.  My GC seems to be increasing in tributaries making its process more difficult.  It operates as it chooses…digesting when and if it feels like it.  I’m going to share in hopes this graphic experience will give other sufferers some relief…

I’m in exercise mode…at 24 Hour Fitness…bouncing away on one of the elliptical machines which I can only do while watching episodes of “Boston Legal” on my portable DVD player…my legs alternating movements with my hands on the bars…burning up those calories…shaking up the brain cells…when Queen Colon of the GC decides to cramp up and not in a loving way…I’m talking spasms…she then decides to perform a somersault…reversing peristalsis by returning my ½ egg salad sandwich on cracked wheat…back to its point of entry…my mouth…then out my spout onto the elliptical and right at William Shatner.  Fortunately I’m short so that the liquefied pieces did not go beyond the metal machine…but the clean-up did entail ten minutes of humiliation….

Yes I went to my internist AGAIN the next morning…yes she sent me to a specialist…yes I’ve been given annoying and expensive tests and medications.  Two physicians have now confirmed powerlessness over my colon.  I beg them both to please keep it SIMPLE…

Physician one places her right hand on mine…gives it a squeeze…confirms my GK may be in serious conflict with my GC…then whispers two little words into my left ear…Stool Softener…”You can buy them anywhere…”

Who said age is just a number?  I’m on my way over to CVS…I’ll be the one hiding the bottle of…well…you know!

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3 Responses to "REVENGE OF THE SPHINCTER…"

Yikes, not good. I hope all is well soon.

You are a brave and noble Purveyor of the Real Goods. Thank you. And good luck!

Whoah!!!!!!!!!!!! What’s happening here? Take care of yourself.
Gotta look at that stool and make sure that it’s healthy. Just ask Oprah and Dr. Oz. Gotta be a S shape, and there everyday!
Enough Dr. Scott for one day!!!

Be well and happy. God bless.

Valerie

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