Innergiggler's Blog


Posted on: September 19, 2010


I couldn’t believe it!  There was my mom lying unconscious in an ICU bed – without a care in the world. I   wanted to smack her upside the head.   Eight hours ago we were on her non-ICU bed watching the NY Yankees swing their impotent bats, bowing to the Detroit Tigers.

In shock I began a whirling tirade: 

“Ma – what are you doing?  Is this because the Yankees lost last night?  Huh?  Yeah, the food here sucks but you’ll be going home soon!  Look!  Look at your legs, you didn’t even shave.  Ma – you’re not leaving me – Ma!  Wake up!

Just look at you acting all clueless .  I know that  passive aggressive look. Like the time you went through my bookcase, found my very private love letter to my Jamaican gigolo boyfriend in which I told him how much I missed our lovemaking.   Ma!  You should have sent him a thank you note – I was 25 and still a virgin when I met him. 

Instead – you slyly hid behind the kitchen – waiting, waiting, just waiting to pounce on me as I came down the steps.  Shaking that letter in my face, you threatened me with the loss of any inheritance if I married him.  What were we – the Rockefellers?  You didn’t even know how much money you had.  Ma, I was finally getting laid – who cared about some cash a zillion years away.  

So I laughed in your face!  Puh!  I even let a little spittle fly out of my lips but aimed it to the right of your head.  I realized later you were feeling a sense of desperation that you might lose me  – but jeez mom – you always taught me to treat all people equally.  You should have felt proud that I was treating this sexy brown-skinned man better than all the white guys who didn’t want to be my first.”

At that moment the doctor/ nurse team came in and shoved “those” special Declaration papers at my tear-stained face:

“Do you have Power of Attorney?  You need to sign the papers to disconnect the tubes.  Her heart will stop in 90 minutes.” 

And it did.  September 18th, 2010, marked the 4th anniversary of my Mom’s passing – the worst day of my life. 

The good news is the worst day of my life has passed.  Mom wasn’t perfect but she loved me unconditionally despite who I was sleeping with.  She loved me best!  That’s what she said.


7 Responses to "A KICK IN THE HEART!"

Love you Linda and this beautiful writing.

I am sitting here feeling your loss, tears staining my face. What a beautiful tribute to your Mother. I am going to call mine now! I hope someday my daughter will feel that way about me. I have tried to be a good mother but she still holds it against me that I had to work those long hours… Sigh!♥

A giggle, a tear, a laugh (I am envisioning my friends home in Brooklyn and your Mom right near the back kitchen door standing just ready to smack you upside the head with the letter. Precious!
how touching to honor your Mom so.
I get to see my parents tomorrow, we talk every other day and I do not take it for granted I appreciate our time together for so many of my friends, like you, have lost their parents.
You love for your Mom is connected for ‘always’. ♥

just caught up on your blog posts. oh my god. so very wonderful. funny & oh so poignant.
i wish you so much love today. much much much much much love.
and joy.
i love you.

So sweet and funny, Linda! So wonderful that you know what you had with her (and she with you) despite fist-raising, letter-flailing, and face-laughing.

I am laughing and crying and giving thanks for the days left and the remarkable women who have gone before me in this journey of MOTHER LOSS. We all stumble and fall hard and get up and spin around and bleed a little, or a lot and give thanks for a love like no other. bless you.

Whoa Linda!
This was too sad for me. BUTTTTTTTT it was beautiful. My goodness I am only now realizing that she went to a better place the same date of my daughter’s birthday. Wow! I can’t help but wonder if she sees your dad up there in that peaceful place.
May the dear Lord continue to bring you sweet memories of your precious mom. I miss her too!
Be well and happy. God bless.

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