Innergiggler's Blog

WHAT PRICE ORGASM?

Posted on: January 7, 2011

I’ll take a dozen.  Oops!  Not so fast.

Inspired by my avid commitment to research – I decided it was time to investigate what some used to call a “naughty store.”  I’ve been contemplating this trip for awhile, and today is the day.  But as I approach the parking lot entrance I’m re-considering this up close and personal visit based on my sloppy self (après gym).

Maybe I should go home/ shower/ shave/make-up or better yet, do the investigative study next week or month.  I’m sure 2012 will also be an orgasmic year.  On the other hand – I want to be bold, brash, audacious – a woman of substance.  Yet, maybe I’d feel more comfortable if I lost 30 pounds first. 

“To hell with confidence!”   I make a right turn into their parking lot.

Head held high – I approach and open their heavy glass door, thankfully escaping a hernia – then march inside like a storm trooper – who exudes poise, assertiveness, self-love – but still I open with a joke  “Am I going to be carded?”  The store manager smiles and asks if I need help with my shopping.   She may not be able to interpret my answer through the incessant stuttering, but instinct tells her to point to the back area of the store.

My mouth automatically drops open in surprise – but my instinct tells me to close it quickly.  The west wall area contains a massive number of pulsating, quivering, perhaps throbbing possibilities in all different shapes, sizes and – colors – so many colors.  Suffering from Erectile Dysfuntion?  Forget Cialis – you don’t even have to show up.  Just send one of these massive, girth-expanding phallic prototypes to your partner then go play a round of golf.  You’re not needed.

Talk about penis envy!  Actually I won’t.  But there’s more than Dick Tracy here – they should call the store Orifice Plus!  The only missing open tissue connection so far as I can see is the ear – and that’s probably because I’m not wearing my Contacts and my glasses are in the car.

I continue my exploration – picking up devices, putting them down – sometimes very quickly.  I check the prices and then grab my wallet.  Small store robbery?  Orgasms are expensive!   I dare you to pop your cork for under $75 and you can fancy up for $150.  The smaller, cheaper devices are perhaps better suited to whisking crumbs off your shirt than sending you on a trip to the land of Anais Nin

I’m watching folks as they just mosey around – like they were shopping in freakin’ Macy’s.  Just taking their time, no embarrassing rush necessary. These tourists are younger, obviously more relaxed and comfortable in their sexual skin. I’m loving watching couples comparing the apparatus, chatting, giggling. 

And the longer I am in the store, my rapid heart beat seems to be relaxing.  I pick up a few items and bring them over to the smiling sales lady.  Without a prompt she picks each one up, demonstrates their strong points – verbally.  She makes a strong recommendation, even though it isn’t the more expensive item.  Her name is Melissa and she is really sweet.  I’m almost totally comfortable now so I offer her my credit card with my very own name.  For research purposes of course.   I’m making a few more jokes, but not out of nervousness. 

Melissa is laughing – so I’m giving her my biz card with my blog address.  “I’m writing about this tonite kiddo!”

I boldly, confidently walk out of the store with my plain, black, nameless shopping bag at my side and head straight home to Rob.  Life is good when I allow myself to be – myself!

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6 Responses to "WHAT PRICE ORGASM?"

I usually go to Spencers for some fun stuff. The kid at the counter, I am old enough to be his Grandmother, is cool. But you Ms Linda took me to a place I have never been. Exciting and yes pricey.
What we will do for love!
This blog is making me LOL because my mother-in-law, yes, MIL! drove over one day and pulls out this white thing that looks like a large hand weight.
She proceeds to tell me she purchased this via the TV and if you shake it a few times a day your upper arms will become firm. She is now showing me how this works with her two hands gripped around this thing!
I am trying not to LOL when she says:
I thought it would have batteries I do not want to do all this shaking.

What we all do for love….

When I come to CA I want to go shopping! Together we are a guarantee of a few laughs.

Love this Linda. What store was it? I have been in Hustler on Sunset blvd but not any “love” shops. I bet this was the one in Culver City by the new target. I pass that one ofter and have yet to venture in. If your new product works give a shout out. One of my friends used to talk about the “black” rabbit. Great story. SO glad you are out and about with your investigative reporting.

Okay this was FUUUUUNNNNYYYYY!!!! Thank you for a GREAT Friday night giggle! Amy

THis is so funny!! We did a girl trip one night, five of us to a “store” after my friends divorce. It was so much fun!! I now purchse “things” online instead and have a great story about an item called the Excalibur. Yes, it had a Swordlike handle!!!! It was sooo loud it sounded like power drill!!!! It was lost in the mail. I received a big envelope with a tear in it and it was empty!! When I called the company I used strictly item numbers to refer to this thing. THe man on the other end decided to have fun and kept using the full description of the item which was something like Extra Large Pulsating 19 inch Sword of Pleasure!!!!!
I told him they should use boxes, not envelopes and what if my Mother had been hous sitting and it fell out? He said “Well maybe we would have a new customer”!!! Honest, I was soooo embarrased. Neddless to say, one week later a BOX arrived and I never used it, only as a prop to tell this story!!!!!

hysterical…molly and i made a trip thru that ominous door once and literally could not stop laughing…so so so nervous…the kind of laughter you can’t control at a funeral. totally wrong emotion and response. sounds like you did much much better. so are we expecting special party favors?

Yes! Party favors galore!!!! Just love the stories everyone is sharing about a night at the “opera?”

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