Innergiggler's Blog

WEIGHT WATCHING: THE SOLUTION

Posted on: February 7, 2011

Are you kidding?  If I had the solution I’d be so rich and famous I wouldn’t have time for blogging.  So let’s work this out:

I’ve got over 60 years of experience searching for a solution.  I used to blame it on mom for requiring I consume cottage cheese and prunes for lunch daily throughout the 1st and 2nd grades – miraculous I made it to the 3rd grade without killing someone – like my mother. 

Fortunately wisdom has accompanied aging.  I realize this is my lifetime challenge – to search for harmony between my mind and my body.  Think Linda, think! 

Previously, navigation through a weight program was often determined by what was on the Best Seller List.  There was one weight loss scheme  wayyyy back in college, where we could eat endless hamburgers and french fries – but no buns. (“Calories Don’t Count?”)  I gained nine pounds.

Then Dr. Stillman suggested I suck on a sink’s spout in the amount of 64 oz. per day, and eat nothing but protein with my protein –  honey in no time at all, pound after pound of flesh melted away.  I was gawgeous!  Apparently he was on to something, I’m still sucking on the spickets…bitching and moaning though it defintely makes a difference. 

Oh the 70s – “Dr. Atkins’ Diet Revolution” aligned itself with the Sexual Revolution.  His plan screamed STOP! to my expanding body and converted my frame into that svelte and sexy vessel just in time for me to spin my way into disco fever.  The addition of exercise was involuntary upon hearing that blaring orgasmic beat.  “Do it baby, do it, yes, yes, yes you will, more and more! YOWWWWWWZA!”

Before I turned all the way around, my dancing days were done because I entered a relationship with Two Left Feet, Frank.  Halt on the spinning and dieting.  Pizza, chocolate and Chinese entered my mouth so fast it forced my head to snap back against the wall as I watched my waistline amplify in geometric progressions.  Agony ensued as I waited and chewed toward that moment of my physical explosion.  As I was about to POP!  a friend of a friend helped me find god and become Anonymous.  No diet – I swear!  Based on a very sound, organized system of principles, god sucked ninety pounds and the guy from my frame.  It was effortless and satisfying.  Unfortunately, with my anonymity – I also gave up some of my identity –  not a requirement here, but somehow I disappeared along with my shrinking waistline.  That was just my experience.  I began to miss myself – which brings me to today.

Now I’ve decided instead of “dueling the futile war on weight” I’m gonna accept that I’ve been kind of like the Middle East and work on a PEACE AGREEMENT!   New plan begins tomorrow.

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4 Responses to "WEIGHT WATCHING: THE SOLUTION"

Very funny Linda. Can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow.

LOL! Ok Baby girl…got news for you…YOU are my new diet!! yep thats right..your blog just saved me 350 calories..
I was really craving a brownie but instead I opened up your site ..went to your blog..and started smiling at” two left feet frank” and picturing you with your mouth on the water faucet all day..and before I knew it..I didnt need no stinkin’ brownie!!!! Nope..Im satisfied with a good giggle from Linda!!!
Now THATS a diet I can live with!!!
xoxoxo

Yes- a peace treaty with yourself. I like it!
Let’s all make peace treaties with ourselves, for all the things we shame ourselves over. surely the world will be a friendlier, funnier place.

Auntie Linda
I am loving this blog. WooF!
We must all find peace within.
Sunshine takes me for walks then feeds me
apples and blueberries ~~ every now and then we just need to be.
Love Ya, WooF
Counting the days with Sunshine and Bums to tune in
I do not giggle but I can talk and I will recognize your voice!!!! WooF!

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