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Archive for the ‘Life Thoughts’ Category

I can’t speak for you – but in this head above my shoulders – there is an enormous Committee planted there by some practical joker from another universe.   This Committee is comprised of voices from any possible representative opinion and they speak very loudly to me – kind of like Nancy Grace & Rush Limbaugh, Chris Matthews, Judge Judy and/or all political pundits or reoccurring celebrities attempting to make their point.

The job of this committee is to keep me guessing at all times.  For example:

I’ve decided to go that party I’ve been invited to on Saturday night.  In the midst of choosing what I’ll wear – Nancy Grace will scream:

“You don’t want to go to that party friend.  They’ll be serving shrimp and you’re allergic to seafood; you will go into anaphylactic shock which could lead to diarrhea, heart palpitations, closing of airwaves and on a very bad night – death.”

Rush:  “You have to go to that party you idiot, the host bought you that beautiful scarf last Christmas.”

Judge Judy:  “Do you really think you can fit into the purple dress?  Do you remember what you’ve just eaten for dinner?  Case closed.

Chris:  Heh, heh!  Just wear the black pants – they have an elastic waist and will fit you even after you’ve eaten a bus.  Who cares how it looks?  Just bring a box of candy and no one will notice.”

And just when the voices become manageable – the message changes.

Heidi Klum:  “Oh just go to the damn party – get there fashionably late and leave early.  Remember, sometimes you’re in and for the next party – you’re out!”

Then there’s Seal:  “I wanna fly like an eagle, let that spirit carry me…I wanna fly…”

Some professionals might diagnose this as schizophrenia, but that would be primarily to fill out prescription pads and make brownie points with their drug companies. 

I’ve learned to quiet these voices by:

  1.  Eating brownies
  2.  Watching Yankee games
  3.  Annoying my husband
  4.  Going to the gym – not doing anything – but just being headed in that direction helps.
  5. Phoning a friend.Here’s hoping your voices are quieter than mine.

There was an industry advertisement three weeks ago  CASTING FOR WHEEL OF FORTUNE!  Seeking contestants living in Southern California who have upbeat personalities and are good at game shows.   Send us an email with the following information.  I jumped on it.  

Name:  Linda Lichtman

So. CA town where you reside:   Westchester

Why do you think you’d be a good contestant?    I’m upbeat, quick on my feet, warm and friendly – and love The Wheel!

Tell us a little about yourself:  Retired comic, former biz owner, writer, Internet Radio Show Host – and proud to say I got married for the first time at 55.

Phone Number:  yeah!

Send recent photo:  Done!

————————————————–

I then pressed SEND for my submission –  and was so excited I could barely breathe.  Yes, Wheel of Fortune!  I then sent the ad to four friends who might be interested.  Imagine being on the show with any two of them.  Yes!!!

I started wondering how I’d respond on the set as Vanna turned the letters around.  It’s different once you’re actually there.  Nerves, excitement could color the experience and perhaps detract from my concentration.  I’m gonna start deep breathing again. 

What if my nerves didn’t take over and I was the winning contestant?  Then I could qualify for the jackpot round.  There I am, hugging Pat Sajak, cause he wants me to win.  It’s good for the show.  Yeah!  I’m so happy I rush over and hug Vanna White.  She seems sweet.

Two weeks letter – reality check!  Two of my four friends received phone calls for interviews, the other two didn’t; I didn’t.    Hmmm!

So last night Rob and I watched WOF.   Still thinking I’ve got a shot at an interview, my husband who I admitted marrying when I was 55 – pokes me and addresses one annoying fact, “They never have Seniors on WOF!”   No!  They only have people who can say, “Yes Pat, I’m married to my wonderful soul mate, Roger, we have three astounding children” – she neglected to add the kids are usually under 10.  We never hear “I was married to a fabulous guy who died three years ago.”  No widows!  We never hear “I’ve got three great kids, the oldest is a lawyer and the other two are plumbers… ” OR “I’m a divorcee with three great kids.”  No one gets divorced on WOF.   Well, except for Pat and Vanna.  No Seniors.  Except for Pat – who turns 65 on October 26th;  Vanna is only 54. 

Apparently the producers don’t think Seniors look so sexy in HD – even after the surgery.  But come on have you seen some of the “younger” contestants?  No beauty queens or kings here. 

Also, older folks may have all kinds of sad stories about dead siblings, sick children, losing their homes, their limbs, their teeth.  WOF only want young, young, young people with all their teeth – young and representative of the pre-Boomer demographic.  That’s just wrong.

By the way, of the two friends who received interviews – one is 35, the other a very youthful 42, married and both have young, healthy children.  Of the who weren’t contacted:  one beauty is 60 – OMG!  Don’t put the old farts on TV – whose gonna watch them?  And the other friend is 54 and divorced – like Vanna.

If you’re a non-demographic living in Southern CA – call WOF and complain.  Even if you’re a perfect demographic – and don’t live in Southern CA – email them and complain.

Dedicated to my friend, Kristine Van Raden

The earth rotates – no matter what.  We can surrender to that notion and grow with the movement or we can fight against the tides.  I’ve done both.  This is a story of acceptance.

On April 13, 2011 – at 5:04 PST, the Universe offered up perfection as a possibility for everything and anything.  Therefore, a pre-arranged phone call between two distinct energies hinged on the divine – offering up an opportunity to blend and release two open hearts and minds.  However, disillusion from years of broken trusts loomed – shading the freedom.

 One heart/mind was baking brownies and sipping red wine – the other was sucking up tap water marinating with tangerine rinds.  One pressed phone digits – two rings – the other – answered the phone.    

Within a few moments of re-connection, there was a double unconscious surrender, allowing their trust issues built over a lifetime of small and larger disappointments to unknowingly melt.   Fences and boundaries relaxed as they took turns unzipping her/her deepest and darkest fears, shame, guilt – unleashing the residue of nightmares and secrets harnessed by fear of judgment.  

 Each offering was instantly received by the other – as if it were a slice of skin shaved from the heart – then transferred to that organ of the other.  Each sensed the gift would be cherished.

As the dialer, I was expecting to have another pleasant chat with a loving, bright, creative woman I met on Facebook.  Yes.  There was that.  But I never expected this event to result in the re-wiring and re-labeling of my gut – now reading, “Trust Here.”  Profound and perfect.  I don’t know if I’ve ever allowed myself to let go on that level. 

 All this and more in one hour, forty-six minutes and fifty-seven seconds.

Saturday’s shooting event in Tucson was horrifying for the country and the world.

It was particularly catastrophic for Mavy Stoddard whose husband was killed by the shooter.

When the shots began unloading and spraying, DORWIN STODDARD jumped in front of his wife and threw her down on the ground .  He simultaneously took that bullet aimed toward her, falling on her body, dead within ten minutes.  She didn’t even realize that three shots were fired into her leg because her husband’s falling on her was too disarming. 

When people ask: “Who would you take a bullet for?”  Think carefully – you may not have time to make a decision.  DORWIN STODDARD didn’t take time to think about it – he just acted.

DORWIN STODDARD IS MY HERO!  People talk; he acted.

I’ve read that the Stoddards were childhood sweethearts re-united in their 60’s after their respective  spouses were gone. 

My husband will be home from work in about an hour.  I have a question for him.  To be continued!

I was looking forward to putting up my next InnerGiggler™ Blog – the focus:  making fun of the deities of the medical profession.  Being silly and hopefully funny is the way I rock – but somehow, since Saturday’s senseless shooting nightmare, my one-liners are too thin, empty, falling flat on my heart – in my chest – in my gut.

Right now there’s a pervasive emptiness clouding the joy most of us look forward to as often as possible.  It’s not the first catastrophe to hit us in the nuts – and it won’t be the last.  Unfortunately, that’s part of the history of the world.  But it never gets easier. 

How can we fix this?  There’s this reality that when we close up one hole another one opens.   Deducting millions from local health care and its facilities leaves an enormous hole in the mental health system.  Of course BULLETS and GUNS being sanctioned to fight wars can’t possibly send a good message to our youngsters.  Even the stable ones.

I dream of the day when killing anyone, anywhere  – is a shocking act.  I only hope this behavior is absent in my next life – cause I don’t see it happening on earth, any time soon.

I’m just saying…

Someone please save me – pull the remote out of my hand – or better yet, just shoot me.   Now!

After two months in our new house, I finally prepared and cooked a whole meal for Rob and myself.  Then despite my desire to jump on Facebook to connect with all my bffs – I cleaned up.   Yes.  Every pot – three – and pan – one – is now sparkling and returned to its rightful place.  Completely – no cheating.

Exhausted, I’m plopping my tush on the uncomfortable living room couch – the new one will arrive ???  – ohhh it feels good anyway.  I can reach the remote which fits perfectly in my right hand where it belongs.  I’m ready for some cool TV.  CLICK!    

There’s this man on TV meeting one beautiful woman after another – and even though they don’t know him – they appear to be begging this unknown quantity to marry them.   Clicker – transfer me to a better world.

I’m stuck in some desperate fake reality.   I can’t move.

I didn’t turn it off.  I watched the whole thing.

I’m a woman of taste – and uh – substance.  If my intention was to be “leisurely” I could have watched last week’s episodes of “Days of Our Lives” or “Law & Order:  SVU” repeats.

I look to the left, to the right.  No one is watching.  I’d like to drape a cloth on every mirror in the house now. 

How about  I just giggle at my foibles.  I love foibles!  I even love saying the word. 

FOIBLES!  FOIBLES!  FOIBLES!

Hey!  Will you marry me???

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Although consequences pervaded the lives of many in 2010, there remains an air of optimism for 2011.  Here are my top five affirmative experiences for 2010: 

  1. Said “yes” to an offer to plant myself in a Goddess Garden where I’m growing emotionally and creatively along side the most beautiful human flowers
  2.  Created & launched the “Inner Giggler” Blog which delights many including me.  The fear that no one would read it isappeared with the acknowledgement that I can’t predict responses – but I can keep sowing… 
  3. Allowing new and untested friends to love me – then taking the love in and letting it flow freely from me to them and others 
  4. Leaping off the financial “safety” plateau of the “too small” apartment and landing in a lovely house accepting the financial challenges
  5. Accepting and embracing that I am a worthy, vital, sexy, funny and loving woman – with lots more to contribute in this world…even at 66 – yeah!

As I approach that debit/credit list for Day 3 – I realize that after a bunch of errands, some laundry then a movie with Rob I am now way too zonked to give an accurate evaluation.  So I am delaying the final tally of the worth process to post on Friday. 

I will say that today was filled with a lot of love and support from people who understand the concept of friendship.   If nothing else, I feel incredibly full and way lucky.

If outside responses determined the success of my worth, I’m a smoking success today!  But it’s the tally in my eyes and heart that really count.

In gratitude to my buds…taking it to the streets!  Until tomorrow!

Looking deeply into the mirror I ask myself:  “How can I change that feeling of fear which keeps me living small?”

LINDA – Recognize where and how the fear manifests:

Sometimes it looks like me sitting on the living room couch with the remote control in my left hand and a bag of corn tortilla chips (sometimes yellow – sometimes blue) in the right.  The race is on – which hand is fastest? 

It’s a tie.  I go from CNN to CNBC at the same rate it takes to stuff 11 chips in my face.  With this kind of excitement – who needs a bigger life?  I’m totally mesmerized by the news – like the terrible snowstorm preventing holiday travelers from reaching their destinations.  I saw one couple at LaGuardia in NYC who have spent three days trying to get to their honeymoon.  Then – OMG – unplowed streets of NYC outer boroughs resulted in unnecessary deaths when EMT units couldn’t get to patients needing immediate hospitalization.  One woman was beside herself having just watched her dad succumb to a perhaps unnecessary death.  My left hand fingers drop the remote to pick up the tissues – I am now bawling.  I need more chips to soothe myself.  Shit!  The hummus is all gone – BOO HOO!  Mommy!!!  Crap, she’s dead, just when I really need her.

Quieted down now, I realize that I am living a full life – just not my own.  I am sooo totally embarrassed.  I wonder what Rob is thinking of me.  Is my behavior pushing him toward thoughts of divorce?  I’ll teach him…

Ensuing argument thwarted.

I rush into his Man Cave and am greeted with his big beautiful smile.  He doesn’t have time to judge me because he’s too busy loving me and living his own life.  In that order.

Back in the house I realize I was so engrossed in the lives of others that I never went grocery shopping today- so I’m searching for the grocery flyers for sales – they guide my food shopping.  We need something to eat besides tuna fish.  And we’re out of hummus.  Oh it’s so dark and cold out. I don’t feel like dealing with irritated, tired shoppers at Ralph’s – just because unlike me, they were out working all day.

I’ll do better tomorrow – but it’s time for Jeopardy.  Maybe I’ll record that and watch yesterday’s episode of “Days of Our Lives.” 

Tomorrow will be a day absent of fear and filled with self-love and accomplishment.

PART THREE – TOMORROW

Here we are on the precipice of 2011.  Should I create a bunch of insincere resolutions or just look right into the mirror and ask – what’s my worth?  Who am I and what do I want? 

A home in movie star, glitzy Bel Air?

A diamond necklace?

A new sports car? 

My friend had a home in Bel Air and her husband was constantly humiliating her in public.  After five years she crawled out of there with a few remaining ounces of self-esteem –

My domestically violent boyfriend bought me a diamond necklace – well it had some diamonds on it – I didn’t even like the necklace but I wore it.  Eventually I faced the fact that he’d never stop violating me.  If you don’t feel worthy – it takes a long time to figure this out.

Dad surprised me with a sports car – a Corvair Monza convertible – when I was in college.  He enjoyed showing friends what he gave his daughter.  Read the rest of this entry »


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