Innergiggler's Blog

Posts Tagged ‘CNN

Looking deeply into the mirror I ask myself:  “How can I change that feeling of fear which keeps me living small?”

LINDA – Recognize where and how the fear manifests:

Sometimes it looks like me sitting on the living room couch with the remote control in my left hand and a bag of corn tortilla chips (sometimes yellow – sometimes blue) in the right.  The race is on – which hand is fastest? 

It’s a tie.  I go from CNN to CNBC at the same rate it takes to stuff 11 chips in my face.  With this kind of excitement – who needs a bigger life?  I’m totally mesmerized by the news – like the terrible snowstorm preventing holiday travelers from reaching their destinations.  I saw one couple at LaGuardia in NYC who have spent three days trying to get to their honeymoon.  Then – OMG – unplowed streets of NYC outer boroughs resulted in unnecessary deaths when EMT units couldn’t get to patients needing immediate hospitalization.  One woman was beside herself having just watched her dad succumb to a perhaps unnecessary death.  My left hand fingers drop the remote to pick up the tissues – I am now bawling.  I need more chips to soothe myself.  Shit!  The hummus is all gone – BOO HOO!  Mommy!!!  Crap, she’s dead, just when I really need her.

Quieted down now, I realize that I am living a full life – just not my own.  I am sooo totally embarrassed.  I wonder what Rob is thinking of me.  Is my behavior pushing him toward thoughts of divorce?  I’ll teach him…

Ensuing argument thwarted.

I rush into his Man Cave and am greeted with his big beautiful smile.  He doesn’t have time to judge me because he’s too busy loving me and living his own life.  In that order.

Back in the house I realize I was so engrossed in the lives of others that I never went grocery shopping today- so I’m searching for the grocery flyers for sales – they guide my food shopping.  We need something to eat besides tuna fish.  And we’re out of hummus.  Oh it’s so dark and cold out. I don’t feel like dealing with irritated, tired shoppers at Ralph’s – just because unlike me, they were out working all day.

I’ll do better tomorrow – but it’s time for Jeopardy.  Maybe I’ll record that and watch yesterday’s episode of “Days of Our Lives.” 

Tomorrow will be a day absent of fear and filled with self-love and accomplishment.

PART THREE – TOMORROW

My eyes are glued to CNN – I’m barely breathing as I watch the ultimate reality show – The Rescue of the Chilean Miners.  Everyone is waiting, waiting for the first minor to emerge from the capsule.  His arrival seems  slow as everyone is holding their collective breaths.

Now a close-up of his young son who is flashing terror, anxiously awaiting his dad’s arrival above the earth’s surface.  My heart was breaking for him – yet, in that same moment, I couldn’t help but fantasize that we were waiting instead for my dad, Charlie Lichtman, to arrive in that capsule.  I became that little boy, but instead of biting my finger nails, I was chewing on a Hershey Bar. Of course Dad’s hair is slicked back under the helmet; he’s wearing a lime green golf shirt with matching pants and socks. 

As the real miner emerged, the crowd cheered.  Reality check Linda, the miner is a Chilean man named Florencio Avalos, not my dad.  Florencio was safe and thrilled to see his son.  My dad as a national hero.  Hah!  He would have stopped and asked me why I was ruining my diet with the chocolate. 

Then, the second rescued miner, Mario Sepulveda, arrived and put smiles on everyone’s faces.  Upon leaving the capsule, we could see him uncover a back pack. Then everyone started laughing as he pulled rocks from his bag and presented each to mine managers and workers who helped in the rescue effort. 

Again, I replaced Mario with my Dad and boy was he pissed! “WTF?  How long were we supposed to wait down there?  Huh?  Sons of bitches – we almost died down there.  And the food, feh!   Not one bagel in 68 days!  You ever hear of chicken soup in a crisis?  I would have killed for some kasha varnishkes.  Even worse – I couldn’t get a damn gin game down there – pinochle, I would settled for pinochle.” 

Dad pulled out the knapsack and asked to see the mine managers.  “I want to see them right now.”  Oh no!  I closed my eyes as he began throwing rocks – two at a time at the bodies of these unsuspecting managers.   And then as quickly as he began, he froze.  Charlie Lichtman got down on his knees and began weeping.  Filled with humility and kindness, Dad began thanking everyone, one at a time, expressing his undying gratitude for saving their lives as he asked for a cell phone.  “Yes operator, just give me the number for any CAA agent in Hollywood…please!”  Now that could be my Dad!


Share |
counter for wordpress